Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
