did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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