He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
