I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
