Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
