dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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