You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
