Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
