Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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