Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
