I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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