I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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