So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
