even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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