Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
