if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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