Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
