My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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