help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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