so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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