Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did i walk over a car last night?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
