Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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