I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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