Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
These tits shall not be calmed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
