I puked a lego.
why do cheetos always look like penises
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
