I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
