I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
