Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
