hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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