I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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