when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
