I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
