my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
