Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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