you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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