Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
