Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
