ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
