I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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