I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
