it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
