I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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