I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
