oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
