exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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