with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
