He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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