I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
