what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
