the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
