It's like God shit irony all over that family
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I will pee on everything he values.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
